ramblings

 12th February 2024

00:26 my time
19:26 Michigan time

Bismillah

Asalaam Malaikum Wa Ramatullihi Wa Barakatu Brother

Deandre

I got my computer set up today in my bedroom. It's been a long while since I typed on it so I am so rusty and making so many errors. I have been trying to type up some memoir but my writing isn't flowing how I want it to. It's mostly reading like notes. not prose. Anything is better than nothing though. So I decided to write a letter its easier than trying to compose stories about the past and write to illustrate them in a way another person would be interested to read.

I am determined to sleep in my bedroom tonight. I got my bed all made up nice. It's only just gone midnight though and I have slept almost all day. It's too early for going to bed now. I am hoping my podcast I like to listen to on YouTube is coming on soon, although it probably won’t be until after the Super Bowl. I saw them asking yesterday on a poll who was watching and who was not watching to decide what time to start the live stream today.

oh yeh

Do you think woman should watch the football? I know of a man who say NO and a man who say he is not so severe as to feel so insecure to say to his wife she cannot watch the football! To me its not a matter of security OR insecurity; more so its an argument of decency and modesty.

So back to the podcast on YouTube It’s called Forever Conscious Research channel. It's about people that have had Near Death Experiences (NDEs) and lived to tell what happened to them when they were pronounced clinically dead. It's really interesting the different things they feel and see and experience.

All of them they say they come out of their body and there is a ‘life review’ where by everything they have done in their life flashes before them as if it was playing out in real time, but also as quick as a flash, like the replay is only a matter of seconds at the same time.

They experience all the emotions even of the people that were around them that were affected by things they did or choices they made and literally all of them end up saying that they did not want to come back into the body and to Earthly life, but they get told it is not their time yet and they find themselves back inside their bodies and still alive, often to be told they have died for example in hospital following an accident or a surgical procedure. Its real these people don't just make it up.

They say that it's like everything we do and every deed is recorded in our lives and at the point of death we are shown it back like a DVD recording or something. It's called ‘AKASHIC records’.


A lot of the people who experience NDEs are greeted by deceased ‘family members’ or religious figures according to what religion they believe in. There is always a bright light that they are pulled towards and this is the deception. These religious characters and deceased family members are like evil spirits or entities called Archons (maybe) or something and they are there to deceive souls to go into the light and become reincarnated back onto this earth as humans again rather than to reach jannah.

Maybe you have never heard of this before and maybe I explained it badly but it makes sense to me and I believe it. Although I know Muslims will tell you they do not believe in reincarnation but THE MULTIVERSE THEORY IS accepted and it could be something along those lines as opposed actual reincarnation. ALSO Muslims believe in the existence of seven skies or heavens. The seven skies serves as a reminder of the vastness and complexity of the universe, and the power and majesty of Allah (SWT)

'While the idea of a multiverse is also compatible with an Islamic worldview, many Muslims find a theological interpretation of fine-tuning more compelling. To them the remarkable coincidence is just another facet of the argument from design, which has a long pedigree in Islamic thought.'

WHAT IS THE MULTIVERSE? The multiverse refers to the entire collection of parallel realities, unknown worlds, and different dimensions, beyond the realm of human observation.

I believe that this reality is like co-existing with other realities and things we cannot see, that is fitting in with Islam. I think that for example like a radio or Tv station is tuned into a specific frequency band so a specific channel is being broadcast and you can hear or see it clearly because that is what channel is tuned in. It doesn't mean all the other hundreds of thousands of channels don't exist, its just the device is not tuned into the right frequency to hear it or see it .. that is like our human brain.

but back to the NDEs There is a big difference in the appearance of the religious figures who appear in the NDEs and that is why I think it is some kind of shapeshifting Djinn type creature or evil spirit trying to deceive the person that they are the real deal. But they are not, in fact they are like demonic entities and it's like a final test.

Either way you believe it OR not, we are all going to die at some point and I would rather know about this theory myself because if it happened to me I can be cautious and wary and gather my bearings and decide what I will do rather than just going along blindly because when I died some entity appears to me and says they are my deceased relative OR the messenger of Allah (swt) and I must go with them.

Shapeshifting is real. You gotta be careful. Just like how you can’t trust anyone on this Earth straight up why should I just trust without caution anything I see just because I died?!?

Does that mess I just described even make any damn sense at all?


Deandre probably thinks I am crazy. :/

There used to be a woman who use to come from the Masjid to the Prison to do Friday Halaqa group study and prayers with us and she used to say the men at the Masjid laughed at her but she believed this life was like a video tape playing over and over until we got out, She said something like that anyway, it's a long time ago now, but it fits and makes sense with the reincarnation matrix soul trap stuff because if we keep on getting tricked and deceived by the light we keep ending up back here living life and never getting to the Jannah. No one can tell me its not real

Its like I watched stuff I believe there is more land beyond Antarctica and the continents we know of are only the 'known world' but beyond there is more land and more places that have been kept hidden from us and that's why there is such a thing as the Antarctic Treaty that is signed by 12 countries

( The Antarctic Treaty was signed in Washington on 1 December 1959 by the twelve countries whose scientists had been active in and around Antarctica.)

The whole purpose is to stop any individual or individuals from independently exploring that area or trying to figure out what is in that vicinity.

We are just told there is nothing there but snow and ice and even if you had millions of dollars and were able to set up an exploration there is so much red tape in that area and the entire area is militarised of; out of bounds no one is allowed to get near. SO what are they hiding huh? I think either the truth about what this earth really is (its shape) …. OR more land we have no knowledge of.

ON ALL the old ancient maps there were more continents around that area and supposedly a huge black magnetic mountain of some kind and sea that was like a whirlpool surrounding it… As maps became more modern and newer maps were drawn in time these land masses were removed from the newer maps. How are we to know anything other than what we are told by NASA, on TV, in School about this Earth and its shape and what we are or what we are not?

Islamic scriptures imply, adhere to, and describe a flat-Earth cosmography (arranged in a geocentric system) which conceives of the earth as existing in the form of a large plane or disk. While knowledge of the spherical shape of the Earth has existed to a greater or lesser degree since at least the classical Greeks (4th Century BCE), such knowledge prominently entered the Islamic milieu in the 9th century CE when many Greek texts were translated into Arabic for the first time under the sponsorship of the Abbasid caliphate.

Today, some Islamic scholars claim that Islamic scriptures and their first audiences were fully aware of the spherical shape of the Earth and that this was also a consensus view of early scholars. Evidence does not support any of these claims, despite oft-cited statements from the works of Ibn Taymiyyah and Ibn Hazm Critics note that clear descriptions and assumptions made in the Qur'an, hadith, tafsirs, and writings of early Islamic scholars demonstrate that Muhammad and his companions did not know the Earth was spherical but in fact held it to be flat and disk like, and this is the framework within which the Qur'an operates.


And this is what I believe. The Earth is STILL and a PLANE… not round or a ball, not moving through space, or spinning I believe the Qur’an and not in Science. Next time you go out on the yard look up at the sky and see that its the clouds that move, but feel under your feet how STILL everything is, look around you and see how still everything is, but it's the luminaries above us that move, the sun, the moon, the stars, the clouds, the trees blow in the wind, but we are not moving. As in, the EARTH is NOT moving.


Today was a slow day. I don't know why but I felt anxious and jumpy for most of the day. It's like I can only really relax at night when its got really late, hence I got up late and I did some cleaning, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and mopped some floors, all really boring stuff. Then I showered and just put clean pyjamas on because it was already late.

I couldn't be bothered to make food. My daughter wanted curry but she likes potatoes in it and the ones I had were gone soft so I had to throw them away. I just decided to order pizza. What is your favourite Pizza? I had chicken, pineapple, jalapeno and onion with cheese and a tomato sauce base. What is your favourite food? Drink?

SO tonight is Super Bowl

I suppose it's crazy where you are now with people watching it?
Do you watch the Super Bowl? Do you make bets?
I kind of know what it is but we don't have it here although you can watch it on cable TV I think these days, but I don't have that. It's online too. Wallahi it's about 5 hours long! I could never!

Our football is Soccer but I don't follow that either, I'm not really into sports at all, or athletics. lol. The only sport I watch is the Artistic Roller Skating that gets uploaded onto YouTube.

I’m really at a loose end today. Tomorrow I HAVE to go out to my appointment at the Doctors. I always end up not going and then she phones me, I have not been for weeks or months, I just hate having to go out and rather stay in the apartment. I don’t know how I am going to get myself out there tomorrow. It just feels so far! I can’t decide if to catch a bus then another bus, or just walk after I get off the first bus, or shall I catch the tram then a bus, all ways I dreading going, and then once I have been I have to get back! It's all just LONG. I am supposed to pick up my new meds too and I don't see the point because in a week I am due to pick up the rest of my meds. It's only a 50mg reduction in my lamictal, the others are staying the same.

I just went and brushed my teeth so I can go to sleep now whenever I am ready. I do not like to fall to sleep without brushing my teeth at all. I type slow, its just gone 2am.

If I could just go out when I wanted; like a drop in service, I would be fine but when I have to get somewhere for a specific time slot appointment I struggle so hard and panic and half the time I just cancel and stay home. The nurse is supposed to be helping me though, or it's just someone to talk to, I get an hour with her every few weeks. We just talk about stuff. Probably tomorrow I will tell her how much I wish this apartment was in a different location to where it is. I will tell her that when I took the cat to the vets last week I called in my old job and I ended up crying saying how much I missed them and how much I hated the location of my new apartment but surely Allah (SWT) knows best and why I am here and why I dreamt that this of all the places I was going to get given and I had the chance...My heart said to me before I placed the bid CAN YOU COPE with living there and I decided YES, so lucky its near the tram ten minutes walk although I hate my daughter walking it. Our last place was more like two minutes walk, You could SEE the tram from the window.

Perhaps I have to practise more SABR

I had to take the cat to the veterinary surgery the other day (We Have a cat Neo and he is 2 years old). He is also a total nuisance although (I suppose) I love him, I find it like having a baby that will never grow up. He goes outside then cries at the door or window to come back inside making the most pitiful of noises, I keep saying to my daughter I am going to sell him. She says NO mummy you CAN'T. The truth is nobody would buy a 2 year old cat with a dodgy right leg. I had to go to the vets with him for his 6 monthly check up and so they could prescribe his flea and worming prevention treatment for the next 6 months.

I had a mind to leave him at the vets and say I can't do this anymore, but my daughter would have been devastated. Well all I can say is if I could go back I would never have got a pet. They are really not for me. And all I keep thinking is that once my daughter leaves home to go to University or moves out for work or just because she grows up and wants to branch into the world on her own I will probably get stuck with this cat. He's round my ankles now as I sit and type crying but he's been fed and got biscuits and water, I think it's because I turned all the lights off and he's used to me being in the sitting room on that sofa with the lamp or TV on and he sleep in his cat bed and now he is in there alone in the dark. It's very annoying to me if I am honest. He's squawking at me and meowing and purring and wants attention.

OKAYYY yessssss my podcast show on YouTube I wanted to watch is about to start... I don't know if to stay here on the PC to watch or to go to lay on the sofa and put the TV on, I know if I do I will surely fall asleep in there and I want to fall asleep in my bed for the first time in months. I suppose its being lonely, I'm fed up with relationship but its normal to also be lonely. I suppose you are lonely? I was very lonely in jail and I longed to get out and fid someone to settle down, but it never really happened like that. I was more lonely in a relationship than alone if that even makes sense because if a person isn't doing you right then you feel more alone. That's how I felt with my ex husband, but I had zero suspicion he was cheating leading separate lives. Nevertheless I FELT ALONE FOR THE MOST OF THAT RELATIONSHIP ooops sorry I did not mean to type that in upper case.

Yes I remember the night before my release a male officer opened the hatch on my door and he asked me what am I going to do? he said you spent so many years here now you are 25 and all the men that are decent are already taken and settled down in relationships and all the ones that are left single at this age are no good, they are the types that don't want to settle down, the only men that are available are the ones who hit 40s and maybe got divorced but a lot of them don't want anything serious again and you are still a bit young for them. SO what are you going to do? and I literally had never thought about it like that at all and I shrugged it off, but later I found through experience it to be true.

How long have you been inside Deandre? Have you ever been inside other times than this? Do you have children? Grandchildren? Are you married? Have you been married? How religious are you? When did you revert to Islam or was you born as a Muslim? When did you take Shahada (if applicable) From waht I wrote so far do you find me religious or not particularly religious. I would say that Islam for me is more of a personal relationship between me and Allah (SWT) rather than what others want to view of me or impose on me.

These are all just the ramblings of my mind.