Keith

 Asalaam Malaikum wa ramatuallhi wa barakatu brother

Keith I got your most recent two messages but I had to purchase stamps to write back to you which I didn't want to do that much to be honest as it's all costing money that I don't have to spend. So when I spend my money and you can't even be bothered to write back properly... how do you think that makes me feel? it reminds me of how you behaved in the past to be honest. And I've just spent five dollars now to write this, so if you don't reply I will be very upset with you and once this 10 stamps are used up then you really won't hear from me again unless you sort out your attitude towards me. After everything I've done for you in the past the least you can do is write properly, even if it is only ONE paragraph of SENSE at a time. I'm not interested in 'tomorrow'.. you're not even working now so only Allah (SWT) knows why you can't work or why you stopped going to Jummah or 'human' as you keep calling it. well I bought ten stamps for just over five USD and that's all I can afford for now and like I said if you are not going to write to me properly I will save these stamps for longer length letters when I can so make sure you scroll right down as I intend to use every word up to the limits to make it worthwhile. FIRST I want to say that if you said that you were supposed to have written me loads and you told me months ago you wrote everything out on paper and just had to type it onto here and send me..... instead of just writing me every day saying you will write again tomorrow ..... ....Why don't you just write one paragraph of your PROPER letter at a time so it's not too difficult for you and I at least get to understand what the hell is going on AND you actually reply properly! EVEN if it takes you more time. Time is something you are not short of. No offence. Doing it that way would be much better than just saying every day that you are going to write 'tomorrow' then going silent for months. AND DON'T GET HOT as you call it or get moody with me when I'm telling you the truth. First I can't really listen to that song because I don't listen to music because it's haram and I don't know what that song even is. I did find it and listen to a few seconds. yh if you miss me then why you behave so silly? next up it makes absolutely ZERO sense to me that you got upset and couldn't write to me for months on end because Charlie Brown wants to talk to me and I DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN TALKING TO HIM. re read that again and then tell me what sense does it make for YOU to NOT write to ME just because some fool you know WHO IS NOT YOUR FRIEND keeps trying to talk to me and I KEEP TELLING HIM IM NOT INTERESTED TELL ME HOW THAT MAKES SENSE Charlie Brown is a clown. His sons are clowns and his wife is a clown. He's no OG. I literally have zero idea why you are choosing THAT as your excuse and it's a poor excuse for not writing since Xmas because I wrote that stuff to you probably two months before Xmas Third I can't help if you are an addict. Is that REALLY why you lost your job despite being case free? Keith you will not find me the same woman that I used to be. I wrote you chatting to you almost every day for a while and got next to nothing back from you and you know it. I won't write forever with nothing back in return. So yes let's move on yes I moved to my new apartment I moved on 12th December 2023 is that how long it's been? yh I'm fixing to have been here two months in a couple of days or by the time you get this letter. I got my floors down and got the whole place painted. I paid for the flooring my dad paid the painter alhamdulillah I love the apartment but I HATE the location it's so far out from my last apartment and I hate that. Miquelle has been so good and patient with it all despite having to walk to get the tram and travel to school taking her one hour each way every day. As for me I'm just very depressed. they're changing up my medication a little to try to help me out. I have to pick it up in a few days. Hopefully Monday on my way to or home from going to my appointment with the Community Psychiatric Nurse at 3pm. I'm still registered at the pharmacy where my old apartment is because I darent change it to up here in case there's some mix up and I'm scared to and I know them at the old pharmacy and they know me PLUS if I tell them I moved they will make me have to change to a new Doctors surgery and I don't want that at all. I've had some problems with local teenagers in the neighborhood hanging around right outside my apartment and banging on my windows and door it got so bad I had to call the police because I thought they would smash the windows. in ten years at my old apartment nothing like that because the chiyand families around there are all Muslims and have respect. That is not an English neighbourhood where I used to live. It gets my anxiety right up and I need Valium but the doctor won't prescribe me a stronger dose. This here is an English neighbourhood and I am not used to it. I'm not used to anything about it and there's no Masjid near to here at all. I darent go outdoors in Islamic clothing either. It's not safe to. The police have been out to visit me and gave me alarms for my windows and front door. I got an incident number and it got logged by the council for the antisocial behaviour. THOSE kids are bad news. the night before they did that they were setting fire to trash cans and the fire brigade had to come out and the night after they did it they were on the next street brandishing planks of wood with nails in and throwing bricks at people. The police are trying to stop it and The council are going to evict the parents if it keeps on. The police know who the kids are and something needs to be done. Every day I'm anxious wondering if they will come back again and start banging on my windows again. I wish I lived in a Muslim neighborhood I can ask to move in TWO YEARS... OR in two years I can do what's called a 'mutual exchange' which means IF I can find someone willing to Swap Apartments with me then I can swap with them. OR when Miquelle grows up and moves out I can ask the council to downsize and move to a one bedroom apartment but all that is years off. I'm scared for Miquelle to move out of home. I will miss her so badly. Thank God it's at least three years away yet. It's been snowing bad here today but luckily raining and melting now Was stressful morning because Miquelle didn't go school, everything shut down, all the roads and public transport so she didn't think she would get to the theatre for the musical she is starring in called SIX. it's about the 6 wives of King Henry the 8th. it's like a pop concert. She is Catherine of Aragon. She was worried today that the audience wouldn't get there either but luckily it started to clear up by afternoon and she was able to walk up to the Townsend and and meet another girl from the cast and then the directors husband was able to pick them up in his car and they got there. The first show she said had not a great audience despite it being sold out because a lot of people decided to stay home but the second show had a better turn out. She got home late though but luckily on the way home was able to get dropped off all the way to the apartment just by the main road behind here. I was relieved. She had been crying this morning thinking she couldn't go but she's such a good girl she was so calm and patient whereas I would have been freaking out if it was me. I saw the show on Tuesday it was amazing. She was fantastic and so were the other girls. I'm going again tomorrow night in'sha'Allah with my dad, son and sister. I hope the snow will be basically all gone by tomorrow I DID make it to the vets yesterday with the cat. He had to go to have his check up to make sure he was healthy and to get his flea and worm prevention treatments. He's good for 6 months now. I say that because lately I just DREAD going out. Its not so much to do with living here I had become like it at my old apartment because I am feeling so anxious in general and suffering with nerves and just wanting to stay in due to feeling overwhelmed with everything in life. Which is why I quit my job last fall. I was sad a.f going through my old neighbourhood and on the way home I called into my old work that is opposite the vets because I couldn't just walk past but I broke down into tears telling them I hate my new neighbourhood it's such a long way away and I miss them all at the chip shop. They asked me can't I swap my apartment with someone else but I told them about you have to wait two years to be able to swap apartments and then that's only IF you can find someone to swap with! in'sha'Allah things will all work out in the end You better write back soon properly and reply like you said you had written it all on paper ready to type up here love Fayza