Tuesday 2nd July 2024

 I'm up so early with acid 

Decided to make Miquelle breakfast. She has croissant with Nutella. Nothing changes there. She still won't eat anything new. It gets really frustrating. I am going through a phase I can't be bothered with meat and cooking it... But all she eats is chicken and mince in limited recipes... It's the same meals over and over. If I buy ready meals she wastes them but I'm under duty to provide her meals. 

I just wish she would eat things like egg on toast, beans on toast, vegetables, cheese toasties, soup... But no. It's really getting on my nerves.

I put brown bread with natural peanut butter out for the birds. So far no takers. I hope the magpies come soon. The air is heavy with birdsong but I can't actually SEE any birds out. Yesterday I got tired of watching and fell asleep then when I woke up all the bread was gone but I missed seeing them! 

It's 07:27

We still have Neo. I find him a nuisance too. Always wants feeding and having to wash his bowls out. The other cat Misty the big bushy grey one disappeared very soon after I moved here. I let him out too soon. He just walked off and was never seen since. It still haunts me. I hope he's ok but somehow doubt it. The days and weeks after he walked off the weather was vile rain freezing cold wind every night it was horrible and he was in a location he had no idea where he was ... Oh I hear magpies ❤️ still can't see them though. I need to buy some bird seeds. 

I see them but they didn't see the food. Neo is desperate to get outside but he's not going out!! 

They still can't see the food 😩

Miquelle still in bed. She will be late for school again. She's always late 

I don't know what to do today

Weather is miserable 

I desperately need a pedicure but I also have to go out on the 4th to sign paperwork about that volunteer work. I'm not sure how that will pan out tbh or if I even really want to do it. But I can't just sit here all day every day. 

It's all gone quiet now. The magpies didn't find the food despite it being in the same place as yesterday.🤦🏼‍♀️

I hope they come back later. I doubt they will for now it's 8am and people are starting to walk about and school kids.

When I first moved here it was terrible you know. I hadn't been told the property was a targeted address because the last tenant was a pedophile who is serving two years in prison. The local kids called it 'The Pedo' house and it had been boarded up so long and end of row all horrible teenagers would gather outside at night for hours sat on the railings smoking and drinking. I had to keep calling the police they were banging on my doors and windows because they thought the pedophile was back 😡

It stopped now one night they went too far I thought they were going to smash the windows on the front and it's those type of flats it's ALL windows on the front the entire front it's no wall just floor to ceiling windows. It's like being in fish bowl. If you open the curtains everyone walks past looking in. I still don't have any curtains or blinds in my porch or kitchen I need to buy it's just the expense. Well the police came out and put windows alarms on and now the teens moved on thank God. I was a nervous wreck I told the council I was already on Diazapam for my nerves and I had to take extra with all the upset with the teenagers outside. 

The neighbours are nice but a few have said they feel sorry for me living here all on my own (they all seem to be couples or families where there's a bloke) when there was all the trouble with no partner. The woman next door said she couldn't have coped with it. The people next door are a man and woman in their 50s whose granddaughter who is 11 lives with them. 

The neighbours used to call the police too when the teens were outside. I still get a few of them outside in the evening but they don't bang the windows now. There's a blonde girl with a big loudmouth and she has 'hangers on' that consist of a few teenage boys who seem to follow her around and they smoke right outside my sitting room window and she talks loudly. I hate it but not sure what I can do as they never seem to stay there too long. If the others came back I would call the police again but they're not the same ones. 

I told the police I NEVER had ANY trouble whatsoever on Edward Street. It may LOOK bad there but it's very quiet and peaceful. The Police come occasionally to check I am ok as they patrol the area on foot as it's bad round here with anti social behaviour. I really don't like it much. I hope I can get away at some point. I really don't know what I will do when Miquelle goes off to university I'm sure she will. She's planning on college in Wakefield at a place called CAPPA College it's a Performance Arts college. It's right next to the train station there. She went to the open day last week. Some of her older friends from her Theatre group go there already. 

I really don't know if to try to go out today for the pedicure OR just stay in until the 4th. I've got enough electric on to stay in but my toes look awful.  I couldn't get a pedicure for MONTHS now as I had developed an ingrown toenail and had to spend £100 at chiropodist getting it removed then it had to heal. It's healed and grown out now so I'm desperately overdue. It used to be my monthly treat going for my pedicure and I've hated not going. I get it done on Division Street. I now dread the distance to travel to get there. If I go today I will go for tram there then walk to the moor to get birdseed in Poundland and then 252 bus home up Gleadless Rd it stops just before where dad grew up. It's only bus that comes near here and stops at about 5.38pm from town & it's very unreliable and often doesn't turn up. 

On the 4th I'm supposed to meet Natalie to help her but some new clothes. She's a pain in the arse I'm sorry. I met her at the chip shop. I got her the job, but she has also left now. She's a Hypercondriac and always thinking she has something wrong with her always phoning 111 and GPs and stopping and starting anti depressants. 

She's with a black guy called Delroy. He's horrible and so ugly. He treats her like crap and scrounges off her. The two of them can't budget and never have any money they're a bit of six of one half dozen of the other. She doesn't want to be with him but can't be without him although I've never heard her say one good word about him. He takes all her money and they smoke a pouch of tobacco every two days between them. He tried to strangle her last year and had an electronic tag on his ankle he was charged with strangulation and battery and supposed to goto trial but she dropped all the charges.

Natalie suddenly started saying she can't be on her own, saying panicking and needs company 24/7 so she dropped charges and contacted him to come back. She says she's made a terrible mistake and is regretting it. I don't think she will ever leave him. He will never accept it. She had her chance to get away and blew it. She's even been in a battered women's shelter in Newcastle in the past due to him beating her up and she ALWAYS takes him back. They're both stupid. 

Because she didn't like to be alone suddenly she started asking to visit me here constantly and I was ok with it at first until it ended up she was coming here every other day and then asking to sleep over at weekends because Delroy the boyfriend wanted a break from her! She was alternating days between going to one of her son's and then mine and I got totally fed up of it and told her it had to stop. I didn't want her visiting every other day and all she does is sit around saying she's feeling crap and no money and Delroy is horrible ect ect.. I said no one to blame but herself for dropping charges and taking him back. She says she knows she's stupid. 

She's a pointless friend as suggested going bingo or coach trip to seaside for day out but she says no money or can't face doing normal things right now. Just a drain on me is all it became. 

Well she's got the message now that I don't want her coming round every other day. She used to beg Delroy to go to stay at her flat then say she couldn't stand his company so she would go to her son's or come here then spend half the day phoning him asking him to please be at hers when she gets home don't go out she needs him there and needs him to be on the phone with her on her bus ride home. It's ridiculous. Then she says she goes home and they argue. I said it's all stupid situation. 

Most of her friends had enough of her. 

One called Jean won't tell her where she lives and her other son also won't tell her where he lives!!! Jasmine says she's probably done in the past to them what she started doing to me coming up constantly to visit! And they don't want it. 

At first I thought it was strange when she told me the son wouldn't tell her where he lives but once I got to know her better the missing pieces fitted into place! 

Her other friends (she had about two in Sheffield and one in Newcastle) have stopped talking to her when they found out that she had taken Delroy back after the strangulation charges! 

I think a magpie found the food I missed seeing him but saw him fly to the path eating something.. he's disappeared again now 😞 they're not like the birds at Edward Street! I hope once they get used to food being out they are more cooperative!! 🙄😂

Well as I was saying Natalie got a budgeting loan from Universal credit to buy clothing with and so far hasn't been except to buy a vest top ! I said she needs more than a vest top all she owns is one leggings, one leggings two tops and two coats!! (One long coat one thing jacket) And a pair of trainers and one pair of sandals! So I said the other week I would go shopping with her .. but I got ready and went for 252 they're every half hour and two never came so dad phoned up Tm travel who told him the service was cancelled all day!! So I told Natalie I wasn't going to the bus stop at townend or Leighton rd as it's quite a trek. PLUS she took Delroy to town with her and I said I wasn't walking around town with him!! 

So because I'm out on the 4th I said I will meet her and go in a few shops. She's saying New Look because nothing in Matalan fitted her. I doubt she will find anything in New Look because it's for younger women and nothing in there has ever really fit me well tbh...the sizing and fit is bad for my shape. She's 55 I think she just had her birthday the other week. There aren't really any clothes shops in town now for older women. It's all stuff for young girls like Miquelle and students age like Zaniyah. 

I get my stuff on BooHoo and Yours and Matalan online really sale stuff. I try to buy something new every month. This month I just ordered trousers, a top and a dress. I myself need new shoes too as I only have one trainer's and one sandals at the moment... I really need new bras but I only like non wired and find it difficult to get my size as nowhere seems to do non wired and I don't want a bralette I need bras 40D or 42D ... I've seen some in Yours but they're very expensive! Primark is bad quality but if I go in town today I might look. 

It's now 8.40am. miquelle should be at school now but is in the bathroom I think in the shower 🚿. It's really ridiculous. She really takes the piss. 

Birds are gone again 😞 

Karen in Hastings got a job in a charity shop as a manager salaried as they all got made redundant at H Samuel I think it's gone bust? Or the branch she was at had anyway ...

Anyway she's got the sack from the charity shop

.. they accused her and dad of stealing things!!

DO NOT MENTION IT TO DAD!!

Jasmine thinks that it's to do with you know how dad goes in charity shops and they 'save' things for him well jasmine thinks he did that at the one Karen worked at and probably took things and it's not gone down well!!! 

Either way dad is being cagey about giving us the details except to say neither of them stole anything he was just going down to 'help' Karen out in the shop every other weekend!! 

I think jasmine is correct! 

Yes I attended the funeral of Doreen over Skype it was quite interesting . 

Gary was just over from America two or three weeks ago for the stone laying ceremony. He went to jasmines house for coffee and invited her to the ceremony but she didn't go. Of course I wasn't invited 

Apparently Sophie caplan is getting married 

I think it's no coincidence I ended up living here so close to house on Gleadless Road in the circumstances I ended up getting it after my premonitions... Some higher force...I just hope and pray I don't get STUCK here forever. 

It's cold out today. I still can't decide if to get ready and go out or not. If I go out then there's no 252 bus to get back on I will be fed up. 

I need to post cookies journal I wrote her but I have not packed it up for posting yet either.